“Listening skills” are currently among the top communication skills today. Many believe that listening properly can help you navigate life and relationships, and they’re not wrong.

Have you ever gotten advice from a friend or your parents on how to make your partner happy by listening to them and their needs? Even in our walk with God, we’re often told to sit quietly in the presence of God and listen to what He has for us.

From all these illustrations, you definitely can see the importance of listening. Another aspect where listening can make or mar a situation is in parenting. There’s often a blurry difference between hearing and listening, but they are entirely different actions.

Hearing is passive; it happens without effort. Listening, however, requires intention, empathy, and understanding. When it comes to your children, the distinction matters more than you may realize.

Why Listening with Intent Matters

Children, regardless of their age, yearn to be heard and understood. They express their emotions, fears, aspirations, and insecurities in subtle ways, hoping for an attentive ear. When parents genuinely listen, it strengthens their child’s self-esteem and trust. They feel valued and acknowledged, and this significantly contributes to their emotional and mental well-being.

I watched a TEDx talk on the importance of peekaboo for little children’s development and the 7-year-old speaker conveyed it brilliantly. Sometimes as parents, we forget that even our children would love to be expressive, listened to, and paid attention to. Research shows that children who feel listened to are more likely to develop secure attachments, better communication skills, and a sense of confidence in expressing themselves.

What Does Listening with Intent Mean?

Listening with intent means focusing on your child’s words, body language, and emotions. It’s not just waiting for your turn to respond or correct; it’s about understanding their world from their perspective.

"James 1:19- My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (NIV)"

The Cost of Merely Hearing

Merely hearing what your child says can lead to misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, and feelings of neglect. Your child might share a worry, fear, or excitement, and without true listening, you may miss the significance of their words. Over time, they may stop sharing altogether, feeling dismissed or invalidated.

We’ve found ourselves in a situation where we shared an experience with our parents, and the conversation did not go as we had imagined it.

To answer before listening, that is folly and shame.— Proverbs 18:13 (NIV)

When children perceive that their parents are only superficially attentive, they may feel that their thoughts and feelings don’t matter, which could affect their emotional health, self-worth, and the quality of the parent-child relationship.

The Benefits of Intentional Listening

• Listening with intent doesn’t just benefit your child, it transforms the entire family dynamic. It encourages open communication and fosters a safe space for expressing thoughts and emotions. Over time, this builds trust, strengthens bonds, and creates a more supportive and understanding relationship.

• When children feel heard, they’re more likely to reciprocate and actively listen to you, leading to a family culture of mutual respect and open dialogue.

• Additionally, children who are listened to with intention are more likely to develop the confidence to speak up for themselves and others, an essential life skill.

  
  

Practical Steps to Listening with Intent:

1. Be Present: Put away distractions like phones or work to give your full attention. Show them you value what they have to say.

2. Make Eye Contact: This conveys that you’re genuinely engaged.

3. Acknowledge and Validate: Reflect on what they’ve said to show you’re listening and acknowledge their feelings without judgment.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of yes-or-no questions, ask open-ended ones to encourage your child to express more freely.

5. Respond, Don’t React: Sometimes, children share things that might surprise or upset you. Stay calm, listen, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.

   
   

Let’s Pray!

Pray for listening ears that connect with, understand, and build better relationships with your children.